Releasing 5,010 Emotions
Letting it Out
Every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday the Medical Science class goes to a clinical site and shadows health-care professionals or visit older folks. Needless to say, I’m in this class.
Today we went to Britthaven. It is a pretty typical, poorly funded nursing home. It is not one of my favorite places to visit. The people there are so helpless and there is nothing we, as Medical Science II students, can do to help them.
Anyhow, I always go to the SPARKS Unit. This is the area of the building where they keep the residents with severe Alzheimer’s. Most of these people have no clue what’s going on in their lives.
There is this one lady who always sits on this one particular couch. She sits with her new, out-of-the-box looking tennis shoes with her pocket book resting on the floor right next to her. Why she needs a pocket book, I have no clue. But she looks so cute with it. Her image is the same each week I see her. She’s an African-American lady with shoulder-length gray hair. Her face looks rough, yet her hands look like they’ve never known work.
I have never actually spoken to this lady before, nor have I tried to have a conversation with her. Most people there have no clue what you’re talking about. They don’t know how to carry a conversation.
As I walked over to her from across the room, she stood up and said, “Where is everyone going?” I immediately reassured her that no one was going anywhere, and then asked her if I could sit and talk with her. She walked over to the table beside the couch and pulled out a chair, moved it directly next to the couch, and then took a seat in the chair - allowing me to sit on the couch. I immediately felt welcomed to sit and communicate with her.
Obviously, with any person we meet, it helps if you know their name. I pleasantly asked what her name was, where she was from, and how old she was. Of course, asking an Alzheimer’s patient how old they are is like asking a blond how many weeks are in a year. They just don’t know. So after my short interrogation to this pleasantly warm and sincere woman, I had received this information: Her name was Ms.Tiny. She was the baby of her 3 other siblings. She was ‘56′ years old (according to her). She was born on October 23, 1938 (so obviously she was a bit older than 56). And finally, she was born in Clayton, North Carolina and lived there most of her life.
After she gladly answered my questions, I thought the communication would come to an end. Most Alzheimer’s patients will not freely start telling you things. You have to ask yes or no questions and almost force a short-answer question out of them. However, Ms.Tiny had right much to tell me.
She started explaining to me how her mother died a week after she was born. Her mother’s sister (or her ‘Auntie’ as Ms.Tiny named her) took her in and raised her throughout her younger years. Ms.Tiny’s father lived in Washington D.C. while she was growing up. Her father started ‘courting’ a particular woman, Rachel, who Ms.Tiny didn’t like. Ms.Tiny began to explain to me in such vivid detail the evil that existed in this woman. Ms.Tiny elaborated that Rachel was a horrible cook and when she decided to leave her home in Clayton at the age of 18 to travel to Washington D.C. and live with her father and Rachel, that Rachel would never cook enough food for Ms.Tiny. Rachel knew that Ms.Tiny didn’t care for her food particularly, so she consistently starved Ms.Tiny by feeding her only the bread they would have left over. Ms.Tiny told me that she didn’t like the city-life anyway. It was too loud and too busy. She made it quite clear that she though most of the people in the city were rude and not very congenial.
After a few feuds with her father and Rachel, Ms.Tiny moved back to North Carolina. Ms.Tiny started to smile as she told me that when she arrived back home in Clayton, NC, her Auntie put this large pot on the wood stove. Ms.Tiny said she remembers like it was yesterday the smell of the burning wood heating up the large black pot that has three distinctive legs poking out of the bottom of the pot. As Ms.Tiny began to describe the most enhanced details of this story, a tear ran down my face. Ms.Tiny was chuckling at her story and the fact that the food was the best she’d ever eaten that night she came back home from Washington. I began to lose focus of what she was saying and just watched her as tears continually ran down my face. I couldn’t help but just take in the beauty of the moment.
As I sat there, the world stopped. It was just Ms.Tiny and myself, and the beauty she portrayed. I was crying in a way I haven’t cried in for years. It felt so relieving. I was releasing 5,010 emotions. It felt like a million pounds was being lifted off of me. And for that short time of 5 minutes, me and Ms.Tiny were the only people in the world.
– It’s 1:19AM and I have vocab left to do. (To Be Continued)
1 commentWhy Did I Get Married?
I went to see “Why Did I Get Married” by Tyler Perry at the theater last night. I’ve been a huge Tyler Perry fan since his first major production - “The Diary of a Mad Black Woman”. He is an extremely talented guy and I love his work. If you’ve seen the movie “Why Did I Get Married?”, then you know that it’s about 4 couples who have their toils and fall-outs, but through and through they stand strong and love each other unconditionally. While watching the movie, I began to think about my previous relationships, and how I’m not in one at the moment. My past relationships were great for the most part, but they all ended the same way. I either got bored with the relationship or my chaotic life put a bullet in our “love” for each other - (I put “love” in quotations because I don’t believe I’ve actually loved another guy).
For those of you who read my blogs often, you know I hardly ever write things about myself. I’m not a reserved person, but I feel like by expressing my true feelings and emotions I’m showing my weaknesses. Nevertheless, this should be interesting for all of us.
I haven’t had a boyfriend for about a year now. I haven’t really put any thought into having one either. I believed I was a stronger person without a significant other. But now I begin to observe my close friends; and realize how happy they are having that special someone to share their proudest moments and achievements with. And not only their proud moments, but to also comfort each other with the things that worry them the most. To be there for each other when they need someone most.
I’ve got too much going on between moving into a new house, starting a new “way of life” with my new family, taking on the responsibilities of the largest HOSA chapter in the nation, getting a car, applying for colleges, completing my senior project, preparing for graduation, maintaining Shirts4aCure.com, while trying to keep a social life. (lol). My point is simple. I’m getting the feeling it would be nice and much easier to have a special someone to share my goals with. And to have someone that will tell me, “Brandon, you really need to take a break. Let’s go to the movies this weekend.” or “Let’s go to the beach this weekend..”. I’m coming to the conclusion that I overwhelm myself with work because I have nothing else better to do. You could say I don’t have a life. Perhaps my weekly routine of possibly going to see a movie with some friends or going to a football game just to talk and catch up on things isn’t enough (but coincedentally, my closest friends like to overwhelm themselves with work just as much as I do).
I met this guy from CHS who I thought would be a great person to get to know. It appeared we had a lot in common, but then again we were two entirely different people (got to keep things interesting). But then I started to tell myself “This will begin and end exactly like your previous relationships. You will choose your work over him. You rather spend the night at a Relay For Life event than to spend the night watching a movie with him”. So then I doubted the whole opportunity, But then realized I’m just making excuses for myself. Perhaps I don’t know what I want.
So. Short-story short.. I have know idea what I’m doing. What I should do. What I will do.
- Brandon
2 commentsEndless Honeymoon
“I fucking hate you. I’m sorry I met you. Go to hell.”
Infamous last words as Romance lie on his deathbed. Said not with exclamation points, but with periods. Exclamations are painful, yes, but simple statements are magnificently more terrifying to the lover’s ear. And just a year ago, you were telling him how you wanted to spend the rest of your life making him happy. You told him I Love You, and you meant it. He was your world.
But now it feels like he’s ended yours.
At a Crossroads
Every human relationship of significant length experiences a great deal of conflict. We can’t even get along with ourselves all the time—what else do you expect? But things are complicated in a romantic relationship. In romantic relationships, we usually experience the Honeymoon. That treasured time when our eyes see roses; our stomachs, butterflies; and our hearts, perfection.
The Honeymoon never lasts forever, though. And what happens when the Honeymoon ends quickly becomes Romance’s worst nightmare. Sometimes. At the end of the Honeymoon, we find ourselves at a crossroads. Our subsequent actions will send us down one of several streets.
Forward — Going forward means acknowledging the end of part of the relationship life cycle and proceeding with your love the way you always have. Do you get into arguments? Of course. Do the things that you once thought of as cute quirks now appear to be annoying habits? You bet. But you love the guy, and you aren’t going to let those things get in the way of what really matters.
Denial. — Oh, how unfortunate it is, this whole waking-up-to-reality thing. It’s like when you wake up in the middle of a good dream. Going back is like falling back to sleep and hoping the dream will pick up where it left off. In other words, this is denial. You refuse to accept that perfection isn’t reality.
Deception – What better way to maintain a relationship than lie? Lie to yourself, lie to him, whomever you need to, right? He’s not really doing it for you anymore, but you’re comfortable. Looking for something better in your spare time and paying him no mind, you may find yourself cheating on him before too long.
Or, worse yet, he’s started abusing you. And you lie to yourself. He still loves me, you say. And maybe he does. But this isn’t Kansas anymore—and it ain’t Oz either.
Fortune – I envy you if your relationship takes this route. It’s frighteningly rare, but it happens. Look at those happy couples who have been together for 30 years. And not a damn complaint in the world. She’s the woman who still gets excited to see her husband come home from work decades later. He’s the man who stops every Friday after work to buy her a rose. This shit is better than the Honeymoon.
If you have this kind of relationship, I hate you. In a very loving sort of way, of course.
HATE – Or you can turn things around, blame everything on him. Make him cry. Twist his heart until it nearly kills him. Tell him you hate him. Tell him everything he does makes you sick.
The Decisions you Make
The decisions you make at any crossroads trigger a series of events that can stay with you for the rest of your life. Making the right choices, then, is imperative to happiness.
People who often regret their words and actions are miserable people. They are in constant conflict with themselves. I find regret highly interesting, and I hope to talk more with you about this.
The point, of course, is to make the decisions that will take your relationship down the road where you want to go. If you know it needs to end, then the crossroads should be the last place it sees. If you know it should continue, don’t lie and don’t hate.
It’s so easy to write that. It’s infinitely harder to abide by this philosophy. I found that out myself. The hard way.
WARNING
It takes two halves to make a whole. And when they Honeymoon ends, the Whole needs to move in the same direction. What happens when one half goes one way, and the other another?
Well, that’s a different blog all together…
What happens when the Honeymoon is over?
Does it always have to end?
2 comments